Submission That Frees
Preached by Jason Abbott
October 25, 2015
Some of you are married. This passage will speak to you.Some of you are married to unbelievers. This passage will speak to you.Some of you hope to be married one day. This passage will speak to you.Some of you aren’t any of these—but are men and women living in a culture that tells you all kinds of things about what your gender does or does not mean. This passage will speak to you.Friends, there was a time when I’d have blushed at the prospect of speaking about these things—about the biblical doctrines of being male and of being female. Do you know why I’d have blushed? I would’ve blushed because I was conformed to the teaching of my culture about such things more than to the teaching of God about such things.In short, I’d have blushed because I’d bought the lie that equality of person, when it comes to gender and marriage, must be built upon the uniformity of roles. In other words, I believed—unless you had all the same roles available to you—that equality was impossible.That is the ugly lie which I hope to dissuade you—today—from believing. In order to do that, I want to replace that ugly lie with an ever so beautiful truth about marriage. Namely that: Our submission to Christ frees us to fulfill distinct yet equal roles as men and women in marriage and in fellowship.
1 Peter 3:1-7
1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Well, brace yourselves because you’re about to get the least creative outline that I have ever composed. I don’t imagine, however, that I will need to be creative in order to keep your attention today. Some subject matter does that work for you. Consequently, here’s my lame outline. (1) What does Peter say to believing wives? (2)What does he say to believing husbands? And, (3) what difference does it make for us today?
1. What does Peter say to Christian wives (vv. 1-6)?
Well, he says two main things.First, he tells them that they are to be a walking gospel to their husbands—especially if those husbands aren’t believers. Peter says this in the first two verses. Listen as I read them again:
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives (vv. 1-2).
Many times we see the word “submit” in the first verse, and we get hung up. We don’t hear or notice anything else from these verses because we’re so outraged by Peter’s (or perhaps even God’s!) oppressive, chauvinistic instruction to wives. “How can the Holy Bible perpetuate such inequality between men and women?!” we may wonder.We forget that the submission has a purpose and the command a context. What do I mean?I mean, God (through Peter) is calling believing wives to be a living gospel, a breathing good news—so that non-believing husbands (or children or neighbors) might be won over when they see the purity and reverence of these women’s lives. That’s the purpose. And, it’s a good purpose!However, the command to submission for the sake of gospel proclamation also has a biblical context. You see, there was an original living, breathing gospel. Christian wives aren’t the first to be called to a life of submission in order to save. Rather, the context of this command is the earthly life of the eternal Son of God—Jesus Christ! Now that’s a significant context!In a very real sense, Peter is calling Christian wives to image Christ’s work in his submission to God the Father’s will for the very purpose of our salvation. Remember Jesus’s prayer, on the Mount of Olives, as he pondered his crucifixion? What was the tenor of his prayer? Please take this approaching cup of your wrath for humanity from me…but not my will but your will be done (Luke 22:42). Submission to his Father’s will for the purpose of our salvation!Would anyone argue that the eternal Son of God is not equal to his Father, yet they have different roles and the Son’s is to submit to his Father!This is very deep Trinitarian theology, and (dare I say it?!) the interactions between husband and wife, in Christian marriage, is supposed to reflect something of that Triune relationship.The second thing Peter tells believing wives, here, is to be really beautiful. Listen to what he says beginning in verse three:
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear (vv. 3-6).
Our culture hastily condemns biblical teachings concerning men and women (manhood and womanhood) as misogynistic toward and devaluing of women. However, I wonder if those outside the church wouldn’t do better to first explore their own sins in this area. For example, have you ever noticed that in Hollywood leading men can last into their sixties but leading ladies rarely last past forty?This, by the way, isn’t merely an observation but statistically documented.1 What’s the movie industry conveying by not casting leading women who are north of forty? How are women being valued by Hollywood and by us, its consumers? What does this say that real female beauty is in our culture? Our culture talks big, but actions speak a louder and truer word about it.Against this shallow and destructive idea of what makes a woman beautiful, God speaks a deep and productive word. He calls women to real, enduring beauty. He calls them to a beauty that lasts way past forty. In fact, it’s an eternal beauty because (Did you catch verse 4?) it’s the kind that’s valuable to God.Peter describes God’s adoration in this way:
[Real beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (v. 4).
At our staff meeting Monday, Benjamin shared a short devotional with us. He reflected on 1 Peter 2:20 where Peter says that when we suffer for doing good, it’s a “gracious thing in the sight of God.” He then waxed poetic about his children and how they will relentlessly beg him to watch them do the most mundane things because they desperately long for his attention and approval. After this illustration, he noted how believers should long even more so for God’s attention and approval, long to be beautiful in the Father’s sight.Ladies, be really beautiful—with a beauty “of great worth in God’s sight.” Long to have your heavenly Father smile upon your beauty with approval!Well, this brings us to our next question.
2. What does Peter say to Christian husbands (v. 7)?
Peter keeps his instructions to Christian husbands brief and to the point here. No complex command that would require multitasking! Peter simply says:
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (v. 7).
Let me first address what could seem an offense to women in this verse, namely, the adjective “weaker.” What does Peter mean when he describes the wife in this way?Well, generally, he’s cautioning husbands away from pressing advantages, which they might have in marriage, for their own selfish gain. Without any doubt, he’s telling them no to use physical force, but he’s also very likely warning them against using any authority they’ve been given in marriage sinfully.Let me reiterate this warning today. I’ve seen men use passages like this one in order to rule their family—in order to despotically grasp power in their family. That’s a shameful thing! That’s a despicable thing! Nothing could be less of God! Wives, if you have suffered like this, I’m so sorry. Children, if you have, I’m sorry. Men, if you’ve perpetrated this, stop immediately and repent!Rather than teaching a devilish authoritarianism, this text teaches godly love. It teaches husbands to “respect” their wives. I don’t like this translation very much. “Respect” doesn’t go far enough. Other versions render the same word as “honor.” That’s closer but, maybe, even the rendering “preciousness” might be better.2 Husbands, show your wives preciousness! (No Gollum voices please!)You might wonder how important this calling is before God. How high is it on God’s priority list? The answer is that it’s incredibly important to God.In fact, Peter warns husbands, if they neglect to fellowship with their wives with understanding and preciousness—if they fracture fellowship with their wives in this fashion—then God will likewise fracture fellowship with them.Husbands, neglect this calling in marriage and your prayers will be hindered. Husbands, neglect this calling and you will find yourself under God’s discipline. God is very serious about this. And men, we must be too.This brings us to our final question.
3. What difference does it make for us today?
I’ve already noted some important differences. Let me briefly remind you:
These biblical roles in marriage can be used to preach the gospel.
These biblical roles in marriage can reflect something about the very nature of our Triune God and the relationships among the members of the Godhead.
These biblical roles give us a different standard of what real beauty is to God and should be to us.
These biblical roles, when they are rightly practiced, enable us to love well for the glory of God.
Also, these biblical roles in marriage, when practiced for the glory of God, open wide the gates of full and pleasing fellowship with God.
There is, however, still one other very practical difference these roles make in a Christian marriage. All of them are geared to focus our attention on the other, on our spouse. They are all encouraging husbands and wives to step out in service, even sacrificial service, of each other.On November 21, Natalie and I will celebrate our sixteenth year of marriage. We do not have perfect marriage by any means, but we do have a blessed one. And, the reason we’ve been so blessed (we believe) is because of this love pattern, because of the command, in our complementary marital roles, to seek what’s best for the other person even when it means personal sacrifice.Look, when over years and years of marriage, my wife knows that I’m trying with all my heart to love her even as Christ loved the church, then it’s much easier for her to be submissive to my leading.Likewise, when over many years of marriage, with a gentle and quiet spirit, my wife is submissive and respectful to my leading, it becomes far easier to honor and even “preciousness” her—to seek what’s best for her.Too often when I do marriage counseling, I hear husbands and wives talk about their marriages as a give and take relationship—like some kind of business. “Well, I took her to dinner last night so I should get to play eighteen holes today.” “Well, I watched the kids while he went to the game so I’m entitled to a night out with the girls.” This isn’t a marriage; it’s a co-op. This isn’t good news!In Jesus, God freely gave us everything. (In fact, he knew we couldn’t pay!) Christian marriages are likewise called to reflect this kind of grace!
1Consider this interesting article on Hollywood’s demeaning and chauvinistic casting practices>
2Edmund Clowney, The Message of 1 Peter, 134.
